VIOLET DOOR

"But I drew a purple door on the wall

and upon entering I was freed…

…I know what I don't want,

"Now I'm safe."

Rozalén

I was 19 when my grandmother asked me, "What do you want in a man?" At first, I was stunned; I didn't know what to say. Then I told her, "He should treat me well."

Curiously, this is exactly what almost all the men I have chosen in my life have NOT done.

When my grandmother asked me that, I was just beginning my third relationship. She very wisely placed a key to something much bigger in my subconscious.

I'm about to turn 41, and I haven't had a date in a year and a half. This isn't the first time; from 2018 to 2020, I was also focused on myself and my healing.

My grandmother gave me a great gift, and now, 22 years later, I still value it: knowing what I really want and don't want in a man and in a relationship.

I had to take the key she gave me and open the door, to get out of the shitty relationships I'd gotten myself into. That's basically taking responsibility for myself and my circumstances.

I have been working on myself for 15 years in psychotherapy, family constellations and different therapies (including art).

I had to get to know myself, love myself, and respect myself.

Now I can tell you that I choose myself, and that when the time comes, I will consciously and healthily choose the person I deserve.

Because if it isn't, I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE.

I have freed myself.

Self-portrait March 2020

Embroidery June 2024

- Mouliné yarn with rolled backstitch, tears and filled stitch.